Alice in WONDER-land
As most of you might know, I’m currently doing my Masters thesis on the social effects of pornography. While writing my preliminary lit review for a module last semester, I studied about the Golden Age of Porn, which lasted from the late 60s till the early 80s. This was when porn was considered cool, and pornographic actors such as Ron Jeremy, Linda Lovelace, Annie Sprinkle and John C. Holmes were household names. Films such as Deep Throat (1972) and Debbie Does Dallas (1978) were shown in mainstream theatres, and there’d be full-page newspaper ads promoting these adult flicks.
One of the best-known films during this period was Alice in Wonderland (1976), a self-proclaimed “X-Rated Musical Comedy”. Needless to say (but I’m still going to say it), I got my grubby little hands on a copy. :D I just had to. It’s pornography and literature, two of my five great loves (other three consist of Daniel Craig, fashion and food)! I SIMPLY HAD TO HAVE IT OKAY SO FUCK Y’ALL LEWSARZ.
So Arthur and I watched it the night before last, stark naked under the sheets (oooh, too much info there), and I gotta say … for a pornographic film, it was pretty epic. Sure, the acting was obviously sub-par and the sex scenes were crap, but an adult musical film produced in the 70s? That’s worth a standing ovation in my book.
Of course, it was lame as shit. The chapter title cards were retarded in a bad way and the script was hella corny. Also, note ridiculous plot line and twists. However, I still thought it was pretty brilliant in a totally ironic way. I don’t know, it’s just the idea that fascinates me - that somebody actually thought of making Lewis Carroll’s classic novel into an x-rated musical film and then SUCCEEDED in making it a reality. The whole thing just blows me away, literally and figuratively.
Have to say though, they could’ve done much better with the casting. Kristine DeBelle as Alice was kinda hot, but that’s it. The Mad Hatter was ugly and had a skinny cock to boot, Tweedledee and Tweedledum were pretty goodlooking, but their sex scene was just bizarre and too short. And they had this creepy motherfucker playing the White Rabbit so when the character first appeared with his Ju-on-esque makeup and godawful props (LOOK AT THE FUCKING EARS, THEY EXTEND TO MEET AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS FAT CHIN I THINK OMG) I was pretty fucking scared. :/ Thank God he didn’t partake in any sex scenes, my eyeballs would’ve melted into a puddle on the floor.
Also, they cast this black dude as the King of Hearts, which was fucking random but whatevs, it just made the whole film a shit-ton funnier as he’d burst into Shakespeare-esque lines in one instance then in another, say ghetto shit like “Nawww fuck that, baby”. It was just fucking good!
King of Hearts: “May my rod and staff comfort thee.”
Alice: “Rod and staff? Comfot? What exactly does that mean, sire?”
King of Hearts: “Let’s fuck.”
And hey, interesting bit of trivia. The movie’s original theatrical poster was drawn by Jack Davis, one of America’s best and fastest cartoonist and illustrator of all time and regular contributor to my childhood favourite, Mad magazine. Now I don’t know about you, but I was pretty fucking impressed when I found out about that. It totally lends the film a thousand street cred points.
So it wasn’t that great of a porn feature, considering Arthur and I didn’t jump at each other with the wild ferocity of two starving jungle cats in a frenzy of animalistic lust and desire. -_- But viewing Alice in Wonderland in the context of what it represented in that era, and what that means to me, made it a pretty good watch anyway.
What a totally appropriate topic to write about on Easter Sunday. While wholesome Australian families are out on egg hunts and picnics, I’m sitting in my room half-naked, saving screenshots of a porn film on my laptop. Can you see my name engraved into stone in Hell or what. :/ Oh well, hope everybody’s having a great Easter!
